I’m still awake. It’s exactly 00.20pm and I’m hopelessly alert. Why? Sometimes the thoughts won’t stop spinning in my head and keep me from getting some rest. Tomorrow is Wednesday, so I should probably try harder to fall asleep, but as you eventually know, this won’t happen as long as you try it. So, I’m lying on my bed right now. My eyes are burning, and my mind is racing. A few hours ago, I saw a movie. It’s called “The silent classroom”. The storyline may sound simple but trust me, this film is awesome. In every kind of way. A group of German students, living in the DDR and doing their ABI, decide to show their solidarity with the victims of the Hungarian uprising in 1856 by staging a minute’s silence in class. Their behaviour causes serious consequences. Getting expelled from school wasn’t rare at this time. Especially when you identify yourself as a freethinker, whose actions are expressions of his thoughts and aren’t loyal to the regime. I guess you can imagine what I’m thinking of. Would I have done the same thing? Or would I have been too afraid to speak up? Would you? Always the same questions, but never ever some satisfactory answers. Because who knows? Nobody does and somehow this is a problem for me. I want to be sure that I would act the same. I want to feel confirmed, that nobody has the power to pressure me to do something I never wanted to do. But again. There is just the silence of missing answers.  I never was in a situation, where I had to decide on which side I wanted to stand or for what aim I wanted to use my voice. At least not in this extent. And a part of me hopes that I never will, but maybe those decisions make us who we are once. I guess, me, as someone who has never experienced something like that, can’t even imagine how it must feel. Maybe you would be scared. Maybe not. Or you would feel nothing but the calmness of a person, who knows what he or she wants to do. We will never now, right? Not today, not tomorrow. We will probably never get to the point where everything is clear and where we don’t have to worry about this type of thing. This discussion in my mind won’t end, until I really know it. Sounds strange, even to me. So, let’s talk about something I have mentioned before. Fear. Everyone knows it and who of you pretend not to, are bad liars or oppressors of emotion.  No offense, honest. But as long as there are creatures on this planet, fear and death are constant companions, as well. I don’t know, if this feeling is God given, but I do know, that we need it. Why? Let´s assume you stand on the edge of a high cliff. Your fear will stop you from jumping or to be clearer, stop you from getting smashed on the ground. It works like a mechanism of protection, that has it´s origin deep in our heart. And further imagine standing up in class for another class member. Not even your closest friend, but a boy or girl you know from school. Shortly before you’ll stand up or keep sitting down, there is fear as well. Wherefore? I mean, it’s just class not the standing-on-the-edge-thing. Why is your body sending those signals of worry and anxiety? First of all, it’s not your whole body. I think those feelings and the thoughts that will follow them, come from your heart. They are no longer pure emotions. Our head and our heart are strongly connected and so it’s no surprise, that sometimes we ‘feel’ things, we are about to think and the other way around. Our mind puts himself over our heart or at least, we listen more to our intellect than to our emotions. Maybe just because we have learned, that our senses can be misunderstood, and our heart is a false friend sometimes. We feel fear because we are afraid of the unknown, as well. Weather it’s a person, a situation or a place. Just think of a dark tunnel deep under the ground. No light, just the sound of dropping water echoing in the tube. You don’t know where you are, with tons of rock above you and the tone of small nimbly feet around you. Of course, you don’t feel comfortable, a rat probably would, but we don’t. As you see, fear has millions of different facets. We can’t even devise all of them or sympathize the fear of somebody else just the same. Maybe we can guess, but somebody else’s feelings, if it´s loss, anger, hatred, love or fear are not synonymous. That´s the reason why we can´t feel as somebody else but like somebody else. Sometimes I’m even afraid of letting someone near me. I’m not afraid of people, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes I’m worried about what people think od me, about getting hurt, about being disappointed. And then a voice inside my head tells me not to be this scared little girl, who hides on top of her bed, anxious of letting her leg hang down, because of the monsters waiting in the shadows. Sometimes it’s important to trust deeply, I guess. A wise man once said: “Being scared isn´t a good excuse. Scared is the excuse everyone has always used.” [1] And even if it´s wise to follow your protective thoughts in certain situations, it´s good to listen to your heart, as well. To swallow your concerns and stand up for somebody or nobody but yourself. You must know your fears, to be brave. To stand above them and to overcome them. That really doesn’t mean, that you should be reckless, but there are moments, where it´s good to make your heart a priority. I hope, one day I´ll know it or at least be surer of what I would have done. And until then, I won’t let my fear of what could happen, prevent me from doing something.